by Paul Abra | Mar 4, 2016 | Journal
This post is from The Coach’s Corner which is part of the March issue of my monthly eMagazine, The Leading Edge, for small business owners and entrepreneurs. Often we get stuck in how we say things not realizing the impact of the words on others. Think back to a time when someone was giving you feedback about something you had done. It begins sounding nice and supportive and then the word “BUT” is inserted. You know what happens. You hear the word “BUT” and you think, ‘Oh oh, what’s next?’ You suddenly feel a little deflated and may actually forget what the first part was about. BUT is one of those words that shut down communication. Rather than being supportive and encouraging, it is competing for the two truths in a statement. Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, suggests that we substitute the word BUT with AND. She talks about multiple realities competing when the word BUT is used. There are two truths, I own one and you own the other, and when BUT is inserted there is a loser. “I love what you’ve done, but…” “I love what you’ve done and…” See how different the start of these two statements feel without even knowing what’s next. “I know you want an extension, but the deadline is approaching.” This statement contains two truths where the second competes with and overrides the first. No negotiation or even consideration. “I know you want an extension and the deadline is approaching.” This statement comprises two truths of which both are balanced. What can we figure out here? It may seem awkward at...
by Paul Abra | Feb 1, 2016 | Journal
This post is from The Coach’s Corner which is part of the February issue my monthly eMagazine, The Leading Edge, for small business owners and entrepreneurs. As owners and leaders, we often can get sidetracked with seemingly urgent yet unimportant tasks in our businesses. We get hung up on the things that distract us from the important job of working ON our business. Urgent is not always important. We need to focus on important questions and making them urgent to further our business and career goals. Last month you were asked 6 questions to help you get started on your most important resolution for 2016. The first question asked you to look ahead to the end of this year and figure out what is the most important thing that you want to achieve? This, then, becomes the lens through which you focus your actions and strategies. It provides the impetus to spend time working ON your business or career, not just IN it. Keep your important goal prominently displayed for you to see each and every day. Whether it is a one-page business plan incorporating actions and strategies to accomplish your goal, or a statement of your vision, it is important to keep it at the forefront of your mind in whatever way works best for you. Make it a habit to write down your weekly intentions. What do you want to accomplish this week? How do those intentions fit into your grand scheme of things? How are they related to your goal? At the end of the week take time to reflect on them by asking what were...
by Paul Abra | Jan 25, 2016 | Journal
This post is from The Coach’s Corner which is part of the January issue my monthly eMagazine, The Leading Edge, for small business owners and entrepreneurs. As we enter a new year, we often write down or at least think up a number of New Year’s resolutions. These resolutions may be personal, career or business related. Too often we do not fulfill these resolutions because they seem overwhelming and hard to achieve. In coaching it is not so much about the answers—we have the answers within each of us—it is about the questions. The questions keep us thinking about outcomes, goals and successes we desire. The questions help shift our thinking patterns to explore the variety of options that are available to us. The questions assist us in keeping the focus on the goal. What are the important questions that will help you to keep that important resolution? With each important question that is asked of you, there are supplementary questions that will help you zero in on what you truly want. Here are six questions with some related questions to help you get started on your most important resolution. 1) At the end of this year, what is the most important thing that you want to achieve? This is about your vision for your or your company’s future and it is important to consider one resolution at a time. Subsequent questions may be: Why is this important to you? What does this success look like? 2) How ready are you to take action? This speaks to your commitment and willingness to take some risks and leads to some...
by Paul Abra | Jun 1, 2015 | Journal
In my readings over the past year, there has been a common theme or thread related to executive or business coaching. That thread is words such as focus, goal, dream, priority, etc. Although these words may not have identical definitions, they are, to me, quite similar and providing a clear direction. To achieve success as a person or as a business/organization, one needs to have a “focus”. And that focus needs to be laser-like. My most recent reading is the book “The ONE Thing” by Gary Keller with Jay Papason. The premise is that to achieve extraordinary results, an executive, entrepreneur, business person—to name a few of the types of people that I coach—must have only a clearly defined ONE THING that they spend daily “time blocks” on for several months. Many examples of successful people including the author, give credence to the idea that having a focusing question leads one to extraordinary results. The ONE THING needs to be that most important metric that one is aiming for over time with important steps leading to it. I have been sharing this idea of “focus” (the ONE THING) with my clients as they aim for their dream trying to incorporate it into a daily routine and measuring every thing they do against it. “If you chase two rabbits…you will not catch either one.” is a Russian Proverb the authors quote in the book and on the website, that I believe sums up the importance of having a laser focus on ONE THING at a time for your business, career or life. Whether the word you use is ONE THING...
by Paul Abra | Apr 15, 2015 | Journal
Last evening I was at a talk given by Sam Graci, a leading expert on nutrition and author of The Path to Phenomenal Health. Although he shared many ideas about health and nutrition, one that stood out for me was the annual “word of the year” that psychiatrists from around the world settle on that is important to mental health. In 2013, Gratitude was chosen. The thought behind this particular word is to inspire positivity by reflecting on for what a person is thankful—be that a special person, group of people, an event or object. To spend a moment every day to be grateful for someone or something is a powerful reminder that life is and can be good. Forgiveness, 2014’s word, is about absolute forgiveness of a person or persons who have done some wrong. To be able to forgive, creates some amazing release in the human body and condition that again allows for better mental health. I suspect, not knowing for sure what it all means, that by being able to forgive allows us to let go and to move on with life in a positive direction. This brings me to Calm, the word for this year 2015. How does one truly become calm in this hectic world with so much going on around us and so many responsibilities pulling us in all directions? It is important for us to take the time each and every day to find some calmness through whatever means we can. A number of ideas to help instill some calm into the day included meditation, deep and mindful breathing and yoga. Calm,...
by Paul Abra | Jan 9, 2015 | Journal
Happy New Year! It is a time for resolutions, setting goals, renewing one’s energy and focus. For Christmas I received a fit band called SHINE. I walk a lot and felt it would be great to set some goals for daily exercise which for me is mainly walking. SHINE lets me know the number of steps I take and how much time I am actually walking (or swimming, biking or running). It becomes a way to focus on my goal of continuous fitness and being accountable. When I hit my daily target there is a “trophy” image on the graph on my phone and the actual fit band will flash lights at me—a celebration of sorts. When I have conversations with clients, we talk about their goals or dreams. It is important to keep those goals and dreams front and centre. As a coach I provide an accountability for my client, more because they have stated their intention than actually being accountable to me. It is their goal or dream, I am just being with them as they move in the direction of their vision of success. I read recently, on The Goodmen Project a website I visit daily, that rather than making year-long resolutions we should have 6 or 8 week goals. This allows us to actually attain the goals and celebrate our success. (I know from experience at the gym I belong to that there seems to be a great influx and flurry of activity in the new year and then a drop a month or so later.) When coaching, we try to focus on a goal...
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